can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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