I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize