Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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