Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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