I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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