i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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