You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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