Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
