so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
