so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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