at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
