She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it's like iHOP with fire
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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