i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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