So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
