i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
