So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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