Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
