Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
