I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
