OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
