I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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