I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
