That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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