office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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