Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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