half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
