question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
