there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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