the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
