I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
