did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
