Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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