i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
