Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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