you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
