my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
