i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
