WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize