i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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