oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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