If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
