Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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