Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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