Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
