i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
