my soul wont recognize me after tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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