Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
