just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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