it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
