Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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(425): View more from Washington

Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.

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(773): View more from Illinois

There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

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(254): View more from Texas

Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.

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(970): View more from Colorado

If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.

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(510): View more from California

After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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