I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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