I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
