id be glad to
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
