I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
