There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
