The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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