I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
