I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
