i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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