she woke up with a sticky ear
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
