If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
