Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Pappa wants mamma naked
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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