Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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