Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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