I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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