Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
