I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
