Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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