I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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