If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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