I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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