i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize