i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
