remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
