someone threw a dead crab at me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
