it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hippo gnu deer
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
