My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
