Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
