Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
