all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
