Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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