the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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