hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
