Already got asked if we're dating
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
