doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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