My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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