i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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