I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
