if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
