i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
