So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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