Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
