just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
