its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
