I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
