if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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