I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize