Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
