You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
