i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently the secret to your success is patron
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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