Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
