trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
