Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
