i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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