How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You pole danced in your parka.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
